Sideways

After confidently stating a couple of posts ago that I'd be okay no matter which way the balls fell and my future was decided, my bravado was sorely put to the test this week. It seems I was more invested emotionally in the university idea then I had thought... although it's still very much a possibility, I have been denied funding through work. The program under which I am applying has a cap at two years: I need a diploma or certification in my hands within that period or no funding. Of course, a five-year co-op program is completely out of the question.

Now I face a difficult decision. I can still go to university (providing I get accepted...) but it's on my dime. (And, as my husband joked repeatedly, with a pained look on his face, we'd be eating KD every day for 5 years to swing it financially.) Or, I can take advantage of the truly amazing benefits package by toning my plans down and going to college.

I was crushed on Tuesday when I found out. Now that I've had a little cry, a lot of talking with my support crew (DH, mom, friends...), a glass of wine or two with afore-mentioned friends, and a little research under my belt, I'm more or less okay with this. This doesn't have to end the dream; just a speed bump along the way. There's a course I can take at a local college, get the damned piece of paper in two years, transfer the credits to Athabasca and get my degree from them. Not quite what I had pictured. I loved the Carleton campus so, and had daydreams of me being all studious and geeky there. College just doesn't have the same panache... but it has turned out that it's impossible for me to turn down free education, lacking panache or not.