tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2088067155848156847.post8159053695679304470..comments2023-06-01T11:19:13.675-04:00Comments on The Fabric of Her Reality: You Can Pick Your Friends, But...Susanhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16582382490971654565noreply@blogger.comBlogger7125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2088067155848156847.post-38656771977400672602010-06-04T21:30:03.468-04:002010-06-04T21:30:03.468-04:00I think this is a very sad and childish approach. ...I think this is a very sad and childish approach. Have you thought perhaps that the reason they are acting the way they are acting is because they are trying to get your attention/approval/love? <br /><br />How would you feel if your husband acted this way toward your own children? <br /><br />Perhaps you should think about how you can give them opportunities to like you better; then maybe they would be more likable.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2088067155848156847.post-54304038653089685302010-03-02T17:05:05.149-05:002010-03-02T17:05:05.149-05:00If only they came with manuals--probably much thic...If only they came with manuals--probably much thicker than your programming ones--I'm in the thick of this also and I just take it one day at a time and hope they come out the way we have conditioned them to since birth...knitjohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07285984706967840920noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2088067155848156847.post-70496423664866014942010-02-23T19:54:28.459-05:002010-02-23T19:54:28.459-05:00I'm with Zup - don't give up on them just ...I'm with Zup - don't give up on them just when they are at their worst. That's what everyone always does, and a large part of the reason that society's children are turning out the way they are; 'cause no wants to do the work it takes these days to raise them right. Oft said is it takes a community to raise a child - think of yourself as just another member of that community, and step up and show these kids the right way to do things. You may not realize that they are watching and learning from you every day even if you think they aren't paying attention to a single thing you say or do, so be aware of the greater meaning of the messages you are sending out. I know you care about their development as the next generation of women, but they don't see that you care and they are not sophisticated enough yet to see the meaning and truth behind your frustrations and expectations of them.katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14654023762108967428noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2088067155848156847.post-19041282936798154362010-02-19T17:23:26.350-05:002010-02-19T17:23:26.350-05:00XUP: I knew I would receive a solid, down-to-eart...XUP: I knew I would receive a solid, down-to-earth comment from you. Thanks for the pep-talk... it was needed.<br /><br />Anonymous the First: Thank you for your comment and your perspective. I think you misunderstand me just a little, though... I am not taking a "vacation" from them, as you put it. <br />When I married my husband, I accepted shared responsibility for them, and I continue to do so. Food, shelter, guidance, rules etc I provide freely; it is my mission to turn those girls into "good" people. <br />However, no-where in the parental contract does it mention the actually *liking* your children. That's where my particular gap is, and that's not something I can fix. Only time and maturity... theirs, and possibly mine, might take care of it. <br /><br />Anonymous the Second: Thanks for your response, as well. That's a very interesting article (and site; I shall check it out further), but I'm not sure how it applies to the given situation. <br />I am distressed over the behaviour of my step-daughters and my inability to find likable traits within them at this particular age and time, not feeling "smugly virtuous" about being better than them. They're kids, still learning the rules of the game; one can't possibly compare theirs to adult behaviour.Susanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16582382490971654565noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2088067155848156847.post-45440343950961474132010-02-19T16:13:12.349-05:002010-02-19T16:13:12.349-05:00http://www.kellevision.com/kellevision/2009/01/out...http://www.kellevision.com/kellevision/2009/01/outraged-the-psychology-of-righteous-indignation.html<br /><br />You might find the above link helpful.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2088067155848156847.post-90521791977533234012010-02-18T22:59:54.448-05:002010-02-18T22:59:54.448-05:00As an older sister of a teenage girl, I know what ...As an older sister of a teenage girl, I know what it's like from both sides. I have stopped speaking to my sister because she is now in that stage where just when I start to like her she hurts my feelings again. I have decided to wait until she is more mature and better able to value our relationship. So I do see your point there, but the thing is that you are in the situation where you are [probably semi-supposed to be] a parental figure. They need that. Of course they don't realize it, but a teenager is still a child in so many ways, and they need others to guide them along and be there for them. In my opinion you cannot take the 'vacation' from them like I am from my sister, because you chose to be with this man who you knew has two daughters, and one does not come without the others.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2088067155848156847.post-52250244508287798252010-02-18T19:43:51.184-05:002010-02-18T19:43:51.184-05:00That's a tough one. I think it's easier to...That's a tough one. I think it's easier to dislike family and judge family because you're stuck with them. If you didn't like your friends one day, they would probably stop being your friends and that would be the end of it. Family, though -- you kind of have to forgive their character flaws and find a way to tolerate them...unless I guess they do something really horrible to you. Teenagers, as I know very well, can be infuriating, but life is tough for them too. They have a lot of pressures that we never had and have no idea about. Their own bodies are foreign to them. They want to be adults, but still have childish feelings and reactions. They look like grown women so we expect them to act like it, but they're not. They're really still kids who need to feel safe and loved and who need a lot of direction and attention and boundaries and help with all this strange new stuff that's happening to them. I know it must be really difficult for you because they're not really yours and yet still really yours. Don't give up on them when they need you the most. That's my 2 cents anywayXUPhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00803850571730855508noreply@blogger.com